Old.. yet young..

Life moves on so slowly as we feel it, each day with its own 24 hours to chew up and each hour with its share of minutes and seconds and micro seconds... Yet when we look back all of it seems so quick, running away of our hands... Just like the snapping of a finger... Simply slipping by with out even our realizing...

It wasn't long back when I had cried on my 25th birthday .. simply because my father was to leave me and go out of town... It wasn't to far away when I had coloured my hair hot red... It doesn't seem to far away when every "youth" organization was something I could relate to ... It doesn't seem too far away when all of us together could simply stand and gape at handsome young prospective men... It doesn't seem to far away when i was young...

Yet i feel too old today, yet i dread the number 30 approaching too soon. Yet i see my son growing by the minute..

I still colour my hair... but now its burgundy to keep the grey away, all the youth organizations I relate to is probably because my young friends are members... We still stand and gape at the handsome ones, but they are not men anymore, its the other young kinds my son happens to play with...

If you look at the number of grey hair that I have managed to possess... and the number of stretch marks on my tummy, then yes I have definitely grown old.. Old enough to understand responsibility, old enough to put others before me, old enough to save to buy for a home... Old enough to become a ma...

But somehow it is beautiful at this side of the age as well.. It is lovely to get a warm hug from my toddler when I enter home from work, it is lovely to cuddle right beside the one you love, into bed... it is lovely to share some romantic pictures.. Its amazing to get dead tired and sleep at night... it is fun to steal time to read while visiting the lavatory... It is beautiful to see your little angel sleep in the center of the bed with his lengs on your face...

It is lovely .. Life is so beautiful.. rather all the more beautiful at this side....

Back again....

Seems like ages since i was here.. But it definitely is lovely to be back.. to write all the stuff that i have been wanting to. To get back to being myself.

I feel proud of myself.

18 Days ... N that's it !!!!

Getting married was suppose to be fun, it was suppose to be only shopping, it was meant to be all pampering and all love... Not that it isn't all of it, but then there is a catch at the rear end. It's not like a win all kind of a situation, just to be with one, i will have to let go being with the other. Just to settle in into an all-new world, I will have to unlearn lots of what I had learnt all through these 26 years.










My mom randomly buying stuffs for home, bought a tooth brush for me to take along. Now amidst all the heavy sarees, suits, jewellery, chappals and all that jazz, this one tooth brush made me realise that it is not like a camping trip anymore, where I pick my shoes n socks and towels and tooth brushes, and camp and trek with friends for 4-5 days and come back home and sleep tight with mom dad just around on the other bed.

Life isn't a camping trip anymore, and neither am I a young girl who can just sleep anywhere in any body's pajama, on any ones bed, in any one's quilt. I am not all that accommodating as I was 10 years back. I am still used to entering home and throwing my hand bag and lap top bag anywhere around the room, and telling mom how my day was while she would give me some water and something to eat. Moms love to pamper, and mine made sure there doesn't arise a need for me to even lift a finger.

How i will miss cribbing to her about the sabzi's that she made and I did not like, how I'll miss just getting up in the middle of the night and slipping in her bed besides her, how I'll miss just plain and simple fighting with her, how I'll miss teasing her, how I'll miss nagging her for not combing her hair well or wearing a "not so nice " chappal or a "not so nice" suit, or not removing her nail polish or over straining her self. Plain and simple, life is gonna be difficult with mom not around. Rather Incomplete.

Wind beneath my wings...

Each day now feels as if I am eloping to another world altogether, where all these people that I have been so attached to, will cease to exist all together. Not that I am going anywhere, but just that my environment will change so much that I will never know what to do and how to. The perfect balance between the family and friends, might just cease to exist further.

Guess like for every Libran, my friends too have held more than a special position in my life. From the years that have gone by, I have lost many, made new ones in "stranger" cities. The only time my daily routine gave me to speak with these guys, was either in the morning, before finally deciding to move out of bed to get ready, or late in the night, when almost the entire world is fast asleep. My wedding will make sure that these two time slots are permanently booked from now on. What will happen of my friends? Or rather of me, without my friends?

This blog is an ode to my Heroes, people who occupy more than a special place in my heart. Not that I don love the others, but I love these guys all the more because of what all they have given me, because of all that I have learnt from them individually and because of what they have made of me.

It must have been cold, There in my shadow
Cause you never have sunlight, On your face
You've been content to let me shine, You always walk a step behind
While I was the one, With all the glory
You were the one,With all the strain
A beautiful face, Without a name
A beautiful smile, To hide the pain

Did you ever know, That you're my hero
And everything, I'd like to be
I can fly higher, Than an eagle
When you are the, Wind beneath my wings

It might have appeared, To go unnoticed
But I've got it all, Here in my heart
I want you to know, I know the truth
I would be nothing, Without you.

Did you ever know, That you're my hero
And everything, I'd like to be
I can fly higher, Than an eagle
When you are the, Wind beneath my wings
Cause you are the, Wind beneath my wings

Mansi / Teena : This stupid female can herself just never cry, n even if I am or I want to, she will make sure that she makes me laugh. For us everything is always BIG !!! be it buying stupid chappals, or clothes, or chopping onions, or making sandwiches, or throwing parties, or singing songs, or just plain and simple gossiping. Everything is just GRAND !! We share a very personal "peepal ka ped", that is a witness to all the girl talk we have ever had, of all the crushes, all the heartbreaks, all the bitchy talk and all the gossip in the world. She is the second person (First being me) whose life was affected the most, after I left Chandigarh. I think there isn't any other topic left, on which we haven't fought. She is the Big Girl around, with all the responsibility and loads of driving to do. She is also the samajhdaar bachcha, and my punching bag (literally as well), during low times and high. Its because of teenad that Chandigarh is still a place that I wish I could go back to. And yes, if she gets married and remains in Chandigarh (that's what she dreams of), then probably will be the only factor that will keep pulling me back to Chandigarh.

Qaynat : Either I am insane or I am surrounded by insane people. This late august born is completely MAD… N I mean it when I say it. She is that one person who made me realize, how lucky I am to be able to express what ever I feel, whenever I feel. Without her my CV would have never been the way it is, n neither would have I. She is the one who has more faith in me than even I have. She takes more pride in my knowledge than I would even imagine anyone to. She is rather the one, who actually made me consider cutting my hair short. She is the reason I travel to Bangalore, and have the most amazing "lush-ious" experiences. She is the one who gifted me my first off shoulder. We started with traveling back together from school on our cycles, and moving on have become best of buddies. In our case, she is the cribber virgo, who is always lost in what to do and what not to do. But never the less, she has brains, and many a times, I also use her instead of mine (Just gives me more clarity you see). Getting married with just one days gap, was the weirdest thing that I could have thought of. Even though I might sound selfish, but somewhere I am so relaxed that she is not getting married on the 8th of Dec.
Annexure a : Ankit Mahajan: Her soon to be hubby, The more Qaynat hates being panju, the more he loves it. This is definitely the "Jaane tu ya jaane na" couple, been together but never knew of what they felt. The biggest Nautanki, biggest flirt, biggest @#@#@# and also the biggest @#@@#@ (I have used the decently dirty ones only). But an Adorable guy, who might just steal Qaynat away from me. All I can hope is that you guys are able to bardash karo each other.

Simran : The only reason why I now believe that maturity is NOT directly proportional to age. You might be much older to him, and still might not have the maturity enough to even near his. My true "firenemy….Dil se". I think I have never fought more with anyone else ever, N I guess I have also not loved anyone else more than him. The reason why I hate him the most is because he left me here and shifted to Canada. But somewhere deep inside I am happy for him, coz he is in the land where he can relate more and be himself. We have shared, fought, gossiped, cried (only me, coz he never does) and done loads of other nautanki together. Guess when Madonna sang the song "Love you more, miles apart", it was just for the two of us only.

Kubu / Khushijs : NO!!! we do not share the same childhood. I don really understand, how can anyone even grow up without knowing the poem "hawa hoon hawa main basanti hawa hoon". I mean it is like cult with children. Anyways, she was my first support system in Mumbai. I can text her in the middle of the night and expect her to reply then n there it self. One of the major reasons why I have survived Mumbai is because of her only. The only reason why I shop all the more extravagantly today, is because of her. The only reason that I know how to cross roads and have managed to accept this city is all because of her. I owe my existence in this wild city to her. It was only after I got to know her, did I realize that poking can be so much fun. I have never come across better cheeks shouting aloud to be pulled !!!

Puneet Mahajan : It is impossible to explain how I know him. I guess I haven't met him more than 3-4 times in my life. But "bhai", crept in so steadily and became such an integral part. Again, I love him so much that fighting with him is like awesome fun. We both have our share of egos to defend, of course. He has been my telephone support for almost a year now. N knowing him, has made me realize that I can get along equally well with bachchas and budhas (lol). I wish someone was as passionate for me.

My heroes. I don know how will life be in the future, if they are not with me anymore the way they are.

Beti ko deti pardes ri...

Randomly surfing through channels last night, i caught on Pinjar ... (Urmila Matondkar, Manoj Bajpai & Sanjay Suri ). A movie that talked of the Independence and the pre independence era.. A time when women were loved, cared for but for some reason not respected enough. A time when even though Lillet Dube's elder daughter is getting married.. she herself is bearing a child... The movie took me back to another one that i had seen some time back with my family.. Khuda ke liye... A lovely movie from Pakistan, that talked about how each woman's opinion and right to speak her mind needs to be respected.

Its not about movies, its about us .. the young women of India, born and brought up in the urban section of the society.. Young women, convent educated, with masteres from a few of the most renowned institutes, earning well, rather doing exceptionally well for their young ages. Yet somewhere, lost in a world, where they are addressed as 'aap' but still treated a noone. Where they are taught to say what their heart feels and believes, but not always allowed to do so. Have we actually become so urban for the ages to be accepted as those young docile daughters, who need to know how the world was back then, who need opinion, who need help.. but only to take their own decisions eventualy. All of it, only to decide how they want to live their lives in the years to come.

Getting married is such an agenda at homes, but then how many of us can actually tell our moms, that we donot want to get married to this guy, because i don't think we could be physically compatible, because i cannot imagine myself sharing a bed with someone like him. How many of us want to say all this, or for that matter, how many times would our parents not get embarassed with all this or, just at the end say that it is another lame excuse of ours. I at times feel like putting in a reality check alarm in my mom dad's phones. That should almost everytime remind them, that their daughter has never had a drink in her life, not gone around experimenting bed time partners, never done drugs in life, Never done a financial ghapla, never been arrested in a crime, never killed anyone... nothing of such sort.. nothing... , Still knows how to maintain a house, still knows how to cook, Still loves being home with family, still reads good books, watches clean television, respects her parents, Prays everyday... Why is it that they for some reason donot want to see all of it...

There are times when i want to sit with them and say all of it ... But then wonder 'should i' ??? Is it about convincing them or telling myself that i need to change ? Is it about them or yet again is it about me ? In my attempt to even out the gound to find some comfort, have i actually forgotten that wearing slippers might just make my journey easier???